Today's rant is in fact an attack on myself and my lack of motivation. In particular, when it comes to my health. My laziness is getting out of hand. I am actually so disappointed in myself for letting myself crack 60kg. Shame on me. Since my university timetable ruined my dance schedule, I never really found a replacement activity. Then I took on longer hours at my work and extra curricular uni activities and just cannot be bothered to find time to exercise. I look at photos from 2 years ago and it's sad how much bigger I've gotten. I no longer like wearing bikini tops. I wear one piece swimmers. Board shorts are an essential.
On top of that I've lost all self control with my eating. I'm eating whatever I feel like, whenever I feel like. It's an awful shame because I think I have a pretty enough face, I just don't have the body to match. Admittedly, I will never be stick thin, never be a column like figure because I naturally have wide hips (yay for having babies) and wide-ish shoulders. But I am definitely not the smallest version of myself I can be and that's really upsetting.
I'm 18 with stretch marks. Let that sink in. Any remaining muscle tone is fading. Particularly in my arms and back. I used to have a sexy back from tennis and dancing. Now it's just a bit meh. I have a big butt which looks ok in tight jeans but strip it down to mini shorts and you'll see it's fat, not muscle.
I think I'm letting myself down by not having personal motivation. And not having discipline or self control. It's a shame really. also hate gyms. Everyone I know goes to a gym so there isn't a single one in my area that isn't already taken by someone I know. Also I don't agree with paying to do things that you can do for free if you just step outside (paying to run on a treadmill? no thanks, I'd rather run outdoors).
Does anyone have any tips for me to stay on track?
Thanks for listening lovelies,
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