Middle Child Syndrome is an actual thing.
In my family, being the middle child means having less time and resources and effort dedicated to you. It also means receiving less sympathy.
I especially noticed this recently when I saw my parents dedicate so much time to helping both my sisters out with their school/uni work when I receive nothing. Especially my older sister. My older sister just won a cruise. Good for her I hope she enjoys her trip. BUT, this cruise overlaps with the due dates of many of her final uni assignments. It just so happens that there are two parties in the two nights before the cruise too. So instead of my parents telling her that the only way she can go on the cruise or to the parties is if she finishes and submits her assignments, they've already told her she can go and are then wasting their time and mine to get these assignments done and handed in for her. So while she celebrates and enjoys herself, everyone else is working. My mum especially gets so used by my sister I feel bad for the woman. Instead of letting her daughter learn her lesson and fail an assessment for once in her life because she was too immature to prioritize her life correctly and left things until the last minute, my mum fusses about making sure her beloved first born gets everything. My sister is a grown adult. She should be accountable for her own actions. She is never going to learn the consequences of her immaturity and disorganization if my mum is there to save her every single time.
I think in my entire 14 years of schooling to date, I have asked for help about 10 times. That's less than once a year. And it would only ever be for minor things, like further explanation of a question, or assistance using a function on my computer. Never have I made my parents submit an entire assignment for me because I've been on holidays that's for sure. They take such an interest in my sister's education, and celebrate her results excessively. Why? Because those results are a reflection of their effort too. Whereas my achievements (which for the record trump my sister's) get pushed aside because I keep quiet about my academics, never asking for help, and getting by on my own. In fact, I often get asked why I don't tell my parents my results and quite frankly, it's because it's got nothing to do with them. It's my education and I do not need their help for it. When I do tell them, I'll get a brief "oh that's good" or "I didn't even realise you had an assignment" or worst of all "why didn't you do better?".
Then there's my younger sister. Who no matter how wrong she is, gets given the benefit of the doubt every single time. I won't lie, I am harsh with her. But if what she says or does is fundamentally wrong, I am no afraid to tell her so that she can learn. Apparently that is "rude" and I "bully" her. I get told off for trying to help the girl out. My parents refuse to let her lose in anything, if she is wrong in an answer, they change the question to make her right. If she did something to get in trouble, they get mad at me for letting her be in that situation in the first place. They take her word over mine. Nothing I do will ever come first over her because she is their precious baby who must be protected from the big bad world at all costs.
So where does that leave me? Stuck in the middle. Not important enough. Never right. Permanently in trouble. Always on the outside. My mum wonders why I don't get along with her, well it's because she has two other daughters who she treats as her angels and leaves me to be on my own. That and the fact we don't have much in common. We don't have much in common because my mum was always better friends with my older sister, her beloved first born, or focusing on her gorgeous baby girl. Meaning I went out and found other friends. Got into football. Kinda connected with Dad over that which was good but when it comes down to it, he'd leave me to go on my own if one of his other daughters needed his help.
I am a product of their neglect and whilst they give me everything I need physically to survive, and never leave me struggling, it just isn't the same. And yet even though I am what they made me to be, they still don't seem to like it. My parents are fair for a lot of things, but if their efforts need to be divided, I know that I will ALWAYS be the last choice.
Maybe I bring it on myself. Maybe my success and independence makes them believe I am capable of surviving on my own. Which came first- the chicken (my independence) or the egg (their polite methods of ignoring me)?
If you are a first born or baby of the family, none of this will make sense to you. You will be blind to the effects of the order of your birth. But if you are a middle child, all of this makes sense and you'll agree that middle child syndrome is real, and affects a person in more ways that you can imagine.
